Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
