Christians are straight up FREAKS
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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