I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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