Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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