I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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