a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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