dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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