they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
