The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
