I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
