So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
