Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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