im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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