Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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