Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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