Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
