great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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