Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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