New low: just hacked my moms facebook
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
ttyl tear gas
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
