Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
