so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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