He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
