forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
