you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I am one with the molecules
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
