My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
