Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
