I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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