I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
