Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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