Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
