last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize