so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
