there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
