i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
