maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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