You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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