My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
