guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize