Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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