Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
