I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
