i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
