I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
