Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
