I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so let's talk penis.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
