u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
vagina is talking i cant
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
