bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
