He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
