i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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