Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
