i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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