The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So vagazzling was a success
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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