he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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