I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
