Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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