I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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