Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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