I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
