Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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