I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
