dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize