We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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