Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize