how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
