dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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