Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
