Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
