It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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