she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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