...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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