Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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