You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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