I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
