My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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