I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
